between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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