I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
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Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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