Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
