if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
