Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
