i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
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It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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