all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
