mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
