Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
