Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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