The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just want nice things and good sex
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
