i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
