i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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