You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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