i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
