Umm I'm too high to move.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Life is so much better after having sex.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
