If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
