I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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