Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
