Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My vagina just clenched in fear
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
