no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
