I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
