I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Im just a social blackout drinker.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
