Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
