I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
