i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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