party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
high people should be assigned attendants
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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