Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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