I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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