He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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