if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
