you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
