We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
