Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
