my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We have started to decorate penises.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
