i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
