dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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