as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My bed smells like the plague
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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