I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
