He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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