im about as happy as oj after his trial
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Randomize
