Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
