what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
