I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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