Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
