i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
