Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
