It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
