singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
