Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize