I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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