she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
