I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
