i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just cropdusted the office
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
