this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
