Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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