That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
