bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
