before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
