I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
