My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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