Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
