Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
