so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
