if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
