dude i'm inner monologue high
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
