Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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