I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
